A baby's explanation of hitting a major mile stone
Milestone accomplished! Suzanne rolls over and experiences the old adage that the grass seems always greener on the other side of the fence.
In her own words:
"Okay ceiling, we've been friends for two months, it’s time for a change. I’m just gonna start with lifting up the knees, like, this…
Wow, my knees are chubby.
And then I’m going to try and lift this GIANT head of mine, hrrrrrr…..
Okay, feet off the ground, head off the ground now shuffle over to the side and….
Oh, okay, so this is what being on my side looks like.
God I miss the ceiling.
Okay, so the floor is down there, all I have to do is put this leg over here, wave this arm in the air and swing that head around and…..
Hm, no change, okay, more hand waving, hrrrr.....
I did it! I did it! I did it. ……..
AND I HATE IT! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT! O GOD ITS AWFUL! HELP HELP HELP! DADDY! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING YOU EVIL JERK!
Okay, okay, he’s picking me up, turning me over, oh, good, there’s the ceiling again.
Hi ceiling.
Okay, So I start by lifting up the knees………………………………….."
Saturday, June 26, 2010
A letter to Alex from Naomi
Sometimes kids just hit it out of the park with the honesty and clarity of what they wish to convey. This letter from Naomi to a bully in her class was a big hit on Facebook and one of my favorite all time posts.
Dear Alex,
I know that you are in my school. Glen Cairn School.
This card is from me, Naomi.
I know that you are on my bus and that sometimes you hit me and I wish you to have a Merry Christmas.
From Naomi.
Dear Alex,
I know that you are in my school. Glen Cairn School.
This card is from me, Naomi.
I know that you are on my bus and that sometimes you hit me and I wish you to have a Merry Christmas.
From Naomi.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Naomi's New Binoculars or How to Make a Teenage Girl Squirm, A Short Play
Originally published May 26 2009
Scene 1
Naomi and daddy board a bus and find our seats, daddy carries a newspaper, Naomi carries her brand new set of binoculars that she got for her birthday, grins from ear to ear. (Her default expression.)
Teenage girl, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with anyone boards bus and sits across from us, Ipod plugged in to head, shoulders slumped forward, far too much makeup and not enough shirt, looking forlorn. (Her default expression)
Scene 2
Daddy, reading paper, chances to look over at the teenage girl across the aisle who is looking increasingly uncomfortable. Knowing how insecure a teenage girl can be Daddy goes back to his paper and makes a point of not looking at her.Out of the corner of his eye, sees the cause of her consternation: Naomi, smiling her biggest smile, is carefully studying every pore in the face of the teenage girl with her binoculars and quietly giggling.
Teenage girl, trying against all odds and laws of physics to crawl into the seat is horrified that her complexion is undergoing such a thorough examination by a complete stranger. Turns up Ipod to brain melting volume and wraps hoody tightly around self.
Scene 3
Sitting on the giant leather couch at Starbucks, Daddy explains to Naomi that it isn’t polite to look at people through binoculars. Long discussion and string of “Why” questions end with Daddy resorting to fall back position “sometimes mommy and daddy tell you to do something because mommy and daddy know what's best, okay?"
Scene 1
Naomi and daddy board a bus and find our seats, daddy carries a newspaper, Naomi carries her brand new set of binoculars that she got for her birthday, grins from ear to ear. (Her default expression.)
Teenage girl, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with anyone boards bus and sits across from us, Ipod plugged in to head, shoulders slumped forward, far too much makeup and not enough shirt, looking forlorn. (Her default expression)
Scene 2
Daddy, reading paper, chances to look over at the teenage girl across the aisle who is looking increasingly uncomfortable. Knowing how insecure a teenage girl can be Daddy goes back to his paper and makes a point of not looking at her.Out of the corner of his eye, sees the cause of her consternation: Naomi, smiling her biggest smile, is carefully studying every pore in the face of the teenage girl with her binoculars and quietly giggling.
Teenage girl, trying against all odds and laws of physics to crawl into the seat is horrified that her complexion is undergoing such a thorough examination by a complete stranger. Turns up Ipod to brain melting volume and wraps hoody tightly around self.
Scene 3
Sitting on the giant leather couch at Starbucks, Daddy explains to Naomi that it isn’t polite to look at people through binoculars. Long discussion and string of “Why” questions end with Daddy resorting to fall back position “sometimes mommy and daddy tell you to do something because mommy and daddy know what's best, okay?"
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Owners Manual for the 2001 Ella Rigby Model 1.0
Originally written in May 2006
Wrote this for my brother in law and his wife who gamely took Ella to Disney World when she was 5. A couple of years ago they did the same with Naomi and now both kids have incredible trips to remember! As Mike and Catherine don't have kids of ther own, we thought a little primer on Ella-management might be useful. If you ever manage to pawn off your kids to someone for an extended period of time, its the considerate thing to do to send instructions.
Owners Manual for the 2001 Ella Rigby Model 1.0
Fuel and Energy Management
-There really isn’t much that she won’t eat; the key is making sure she gets enough protein to sustain her energy levels. Like most kids, she doesn’t take well to spicy food but she is certainly open to any ethnic cuisine and absolutely loves Sushi!
-Beware foods with a lot of red food colouring! We’ve noticed a causal link between foods like Red Licorice and uncontrollable behaviour.
-Fatigue is the enemy and must be dealt with ruthlessly! If Ella is over tired she will be much harder to deal with. (See Tantrums below.)
-She often sleeps about 10 to 12 hours solid each night and any major sleep deficit should be made up for the following day if at all possible. The long day of travel will probably wipe her out for the first day or two so I suggest a shorter day for the first couple of days.
-At the end of the day she needs time to wind down which is why I suggest a book or a story before bedtime to get her relaxed. She can also jot down her favorite part of the day in her journal both to relax her and to work on her printing skills.
Hydration
-Ella dehydrates very easily and often doesn’t think she needs to drink something. That’s why fresh fruit is very useful during the day to keep her hydrated if she doesn’t feel thirsty.
Avoiding Hazzards
-Ella can seemingly trip over invisible objects and if there is a way to fall off of something she will likely find it. Having said that, she is unusually resistant to bumps and bruises and a placebo dose of chocolate milk or something like it is often all that’s needed.
-She has no other health issues with the exception that she is prone to sunburn and her skin reacts badly to bug bites.
Emissions
-Release of noxious gas is a harbinger of something more solid; despite her protestations to the contrary, YES she does have to poo.
-There is no thinking ahead about going to the bathroom. So, when Ella says she needs to pee it usually means “in the next 30 seconds or we’re swimming out of here.”
-Motion/car sickness: doesn’t happen often anymore but you never know. The trick here is to recognize the warning signs. If Ella says “I’m hot” while in a car, lower the windows and let her get some fresh air. If she says “I’m really hot” you are about to have your back seats redecorated, pull over quickly!
TroubleshootingPatience (lack thereof)
-I understand that waiting in line is something that to one degree or another you will do a fair bit of. Keeping her engaged while waiting in line will probably take a combination of singing songs (down by the bay is especially popular) playing I spy and using the time to talk about what’s happening next.
Tantrums: We seriously doubt she’ll have one but…
-In case of tantrum it is best to remove her from wherever she is and take her somewhere quiet where she can ‘come down’ from whatever has her upset. Also key is quickly giving her some sugar/calories ie: a juice box.
-The key to dealing with tantrums is to avoid them in the first place by making sure Ella knows what’s happening ahead of time and has clear expectations. IE: okay Ella, at 7:30 we are leaving the pool and going back to the hotel. (A 5 minute then 2 minute warning helps too.)
-It also helps to ensure she is well rested because a tired Ella is a volatile Ella.
-A plan she can follow (a spoonful of structure helps keep the whining at bay.) If Ella knows what’s happening at what time she is much easier to manage.
COMMUNICATIONS-Constant stream of chatter and questions that may take you by surprise:
Why does garbage smell?
Do worms have vaginas?
Why did that bird look at me?
Do clouds taste good?
Can I marry Jennifer?
Keep in mind that each answer you give will immediately prompt at least two follow up questions that may or may not have anything to do with the original question. In this case I suggest taking a cue from our Parliamentarians and answering a question with a question ie:
“Uncle Michael, do Dolphins have jobs?”
“Well Ella, if you were a dolphin what sort of job would you have?”
Wrote this for my brother in law and his wife who gamely took Ella to Disney World when she was 5. A couple of years ago they did the same with Naomi and now both kids have incredible trips to remember! As Mike and Catherine don't have kids of ther own, we thought a little primer on Ella-management might be useful. If you ever manage to pawn off your kids to someone for an extended period of time, its the considerate thing to do to send instructions.
Owners Manual for the 2001 Ella Rigby Model 1.0
Fuel and Energy Management
-There really isn’t much that she won’t eat; the key is making sure she gets enough protein to sustain her energy levels. Like most kids, she doesn’t take well to spicy food but she is certainly open to any ethnic cuisine and absolutely loves Sushi!
-Beware foods with a lot of red food colouring! We’ve noticed a causal link between foods like Red Licorice and uncontrollable behaviour.
-Fatigue is the enemy and must be dealt with ruthlessly! If Ella is over tired she will be much harder to deal with. (See Tantrums below.)
-She often sleeps about 10 to 12 hours solid each night and any major sleep deficit should be made up for the following day if at all possible. The long day of travel will probably wipe her out for the first day or two so I suggest a shorter day for the first couple of days.
-At the end of the day she needs time to wind down which is why I suggest a book or a story before bedtime to get her relaxed. She can also jot down her favorite part of the day in her journal both to relax her and to work on her printing skills.
Hydration
-Ella dehydrates very easily and often doesn’t think she needs to drink something. That’s why fresh fruit is very useful during the day to keep her hydrated if she doesn’t feel thirsty.
Avoiding Hazzards
-Ella can seemingly trip over invisible objects and if there is a way to fall off of something she will likely find it. Having said that, she is unusually resistant to bumps and bruises and a placebo dose of chocolate milk or something like it is often all that’s needed.
-She has no other health issues with the exception that she is prone to sunburn and her skin reacts badly to bug bites.
Emissions
-Release of noxious gas is a harbinger of something more solid; despite her protestations to the contrary, YES she does have to poo.
-There is no thinking ahead about going to the bathroom. So, when Ella says she needs to pee it usually means “in the next 30 seconds or we’re swimming out of here.”
-Motion/car sickness: doesn’t happen often anymore but you never know. The trick here is to recognize the warning signs. If Ella says “I’m hot” while in a car, lower the windows and let her get some fresh air. If she says “I’m really hot” you are about to have your back seats redecorated, pull over quickly!
TroubleshootingPatience (lack thereof)
-I understand that waiting in line is something that to one degree or another you will do a fair bit of. Keeping her engaged while waiting in line will probably take a combination of singing songs (down by the bay is especially popular) playing I spy and using the time to talk about what’s happening next.
Tantrums: We seriously doubt she’ll have one but…
-In case of tantrum it is best to remove her from wherever she is and take her somewhere quiet where she can ‘come down’ from whatever has her upset. Also key is quickly giving her some sugar/calories ie: a juice box.
-The key to dealing with tantrums is to avoid them in the first place by making sure Ella knows what’s happening ahead of time and has clear expectations. IE: okay Ella, at 7:30 we are leaving the pool and going back to the hotel. (A 5 minute then 2 minute warning helps too.)
-It also helps to ensure she is well rested because a tired Ella is a volatile Ella.
-A plan she can follow (a spoonful of structure helps keep the whining at bay.) If Ella knows what’s happening at what time she is much easier to manage.
COMMUNICATIONS-Constant stream of chatter and questions that may take you by surprise:
Why does garbage smell?
Do worms have vaginas?
Why did that bird look at me?
Do clouds taste good?
Can I marry Jennifer?
Keep in mind that each answer you give will immediately prompt at least two follow up questions that may or may not have anything to do with the original question. In this case I suggest taking a cue from our Parliamentarians and answering a question with a question ie:
“Uncle Michael, do Dolphins have jobs?”
“Well Ella, if you were a dolphin what sort of job would you have?”
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Naomi's letter to her kindergarten teacher
First published April 2 2009
Another favorite Facebook posting, Naomi's letter to her fabulous JK teacher Marg Duncan
I don't know if this is a phase she's going through but she's writing a letter each day to someone in her class. It takes her a good half hour to compose and carefully pen each one so I guess I can understand the brevity she seems so fond of.
To Mrs. Duncan
From Naomi
I am going to give you this letter.
Here it is.
From Naomi
Another favorite Facebook posting, Naomi's letter to her fabulous JK teacher Marg Duncan
I don't know if this is a phase she's going through but she's writing a letter each day to someone in her class. It takes her a good half hour to compose and carefully pen each one so I guess I can understand the brevity she seems so fond of.
To Mrs. Duncan
From Naomi
I am going to give you this letter.
Here it is.
From Naomi
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